i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
