I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
