my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
