Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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