he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize