our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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