He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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