Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
