also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
