I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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