Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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