i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize