Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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