Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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