I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
