My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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