The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
