Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
