I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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