It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
