remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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