I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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