Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
