oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
