so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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