He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
