thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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