my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
