Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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