I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
