I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
