Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
