I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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