My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
