Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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