i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
