dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
two words: eviction party
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize