I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
