I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
