sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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