You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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