youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
