You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
