I want to make a zoo with you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
