I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
