The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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