You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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