So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
