Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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