Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize