Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
