I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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