wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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