the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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