So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
