chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it penis luge time yet?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize