you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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