if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
