I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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