She is in my trunk
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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