She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
