East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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