Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
