You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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