did you get engaged???
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
