nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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