I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
