i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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