were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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