his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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