oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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