She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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