somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
