how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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