Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
